So I am random and I literally just finished having a patio pimpin session and was motivated to write a blog post. I actually came up with this topic idea months ago and was going to name it 'Surviving Single" , but today I feel different. Amazing how times, vibes , and your current state of mind shifts your perspective. As I sat on the roof top (my new patio) of my building , vibed out on my favorite tunes and, viewed the city skyline, I realized that i was in such a peaceful and happy place. Single that is.......
In my early twenties I never would have thought I would still be super single in my 30's. I won't go as far as to say that I would be married , but I certainly knew that I would have a boo thang. Lets talk about a dream deferred...(lol). I have always been goal oriented, and somewhat created a life timeline for myself,but honestly, marriage was never a priority. To be quite frank, I always knew I would be a mother before a wife. I didn't want it to be that way, but I just somehow knew. I didn't grow up around married people, just a bunch of single women who worked and took care of kids. I never really knew what marriage looked like until college. My mother married my Step father prior to my freshman year at Texas Southern U. I was already mentally designed to be independent take care of myself.
Ive dated, Ive loved , I've been hurt, I've hurt, and I have repeated unhealthy dating cycles. I often found myself wondering if I would ever get married. Would I ever find love? Am I good enough? The insecurity train had no stops. As ambitious and as confident as I am in my career... just never seemed to spill over in my dating life. Through these romantic ups and downs , I managed to get stronger each time. I would give myself a "grieving timeline" and whatever was left overs I would recycle that energy towards a new project. That was healing.
Im not here to say that " projects" are always the cure for the single life, but being able to grow and get through the moments. I have always been a loner and a bit of an introvert so entertaining myself has never been a hard task. Perhaps thats why being Single is not really an issue for me. Lets not get it twisted every one desires (healthy) attention, and companionship, but not at the expense of MY WELL BEING. I have not always been in this space, but I am going to for sure embrace it and take the time to explore MYSELF, GROW, and appreciate my own company. Taking the time to get to know yourself, enjoying your space, and getting to a place of contentment is POWERFUL. So many people rely on the other to "complete" them or feel the need to always have someone around. Thats heavy and draining. I don't want to feel needed, I rather feel wanted. Dont bring me half.... bring me the whole you. I can't complete you because I am busy completing myself.
Tonight I enjoyed sitting on the rooftop. I loved how it felt to be in the presence of my own company. Most would say "you always been like that Tori", and its very much true, but tonight was different. With the new dating norms, I often felt that being single was becoming a survival game. (lol) Dating was becoming the JUNGLE, and in a sense it is. LOL. Time, life and spiritual changes , and ironically a new haircut (lmbo) have provided me with a whole new outlook. Accepting loves' wins and losses are all apart of the survival game, but the POWER lies in taking the time to reflect, release, and to refresh that friendship with YOURSELF!